Flashback Friday is a weekly series that takes you back to earlier moments in our story as a married couple dealing with infertility. We’ll give you a glance of what we’ve been through, what steps we’ve taken to get us here, and what we’ve learned along the way.
Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Right now, we are in the middle of ours. But knowing the beginning may help you understand our journey better. So let’s start at the beginning!
Like you can read on our Our Story page, Dan and I have always wanted kids. So in October of 2010, after 4 years of marriage, we finally decided it was time to start trying. It was an exciting time! I couldn’t help but start wondering when we would get pregnant and eventually become parents. I dreamed of the ways I would tell Dan, our parents, my co-workers, and even my students. I started noticing aisles in stores that I’d always passed by thinking someday soon we will be shopping through there for tiny little socks and hats and shoes. I found myself thinking about feeling a baby kick for the first time, or holding something that Dan and I created together. How exciting!
I figured we wouldn’t get pregnant right away. I knew it could take a few months, and I read that most couples can take up to 6 months or even a year before finally conceiving. But each month passed, and then another, then another.
I’m a worrier, so by month four I was already questioning and wondering if something was wrong. As I’m writing this I’m smiling, because I wish I could go back and tell my past self, “Honey you have a long way to go, just make the best of the next two years.” I probably wouldn’t have listened then, and I wonder if in two more years I’ll be thinking the same thing about this very moment.
Anyway, winter came and passed with no success and so I started thinking it was just a timing issue. I bought some ovulation kits and for several months after we tried to track my body’s hormones and timing better to improve our chances.
Now, let’s be honest. Sometimes you are just busy, or sick, or your spouse is out of town, or you’re both on vacation and sharing the same hotel room with another family member, or… the list goes on. Somehow, every month you just can’t make the two day window that is the “perfect time” to, um, get down to business.
So, spring and summer passed with no success. I had read that a couple our age would have to wait at least one year before seeking medical treatment and I knew we weren’t there yet. So we kept trying. And trying.
I’ll admit I wasn’t the most positive or relaxed person during this time. I was frustrated, confused, and scared. I thought it was supposed to be easier. I think most women would agree it’s a trying time even if they were able to get pregnant by month 3 or 4. Few people talk about it taking so long, all the movies made the process seem easy. I forgot how everything has to work perfectly for this true miracle to happen; I just wasn’t prepared for the wait.
Like many of you, I had my life planned. Dan and I had set a good foundation for our marriage. We had plenty of years to get to know one another and have fun as a couple, and we were stable financially. It was time to grow our family. I had it all planned. But I forgot an important person and part of the plan. God. The Lord was not in my plan. I wasn’t seeking Him, only practical and selfish desires.
God is writing our story and He has a different plan for our life. Some days it’s hard for me to remember it’s a better plan, but it is. Our story has a beginning that is very different from what I would have picked, but nonetheless it’s OUR STORY. Now it’s just time…finally (2+ years later) to trust Him writing the rest.